Internally Disconnected

Just one of many stories from my life in Parkland! REALLY funny. But really NOT funny.

I was consulted to see this morbidly obese patient prior to neurosurgery. She was functional, but needed to lose about 100 lbs. Based on behavioral change psychology, she presented in the ACTION stage, READY to take the next step, WANTING a new lifestyle, and ASKING me for help. PERFECT! THIS is why I went to PT school! So what did I do? Hours and hours of research, provided tools, community resources, personal and family education, asked her to write down HER goals and HOW she would achieve them, copied and highlighted motivational resources, and plus a TON of additional work for her. Our final session was entirely discussion of what SHE wanted, and I gave her the tools and motivation to be successful.

At 8:15 the NEXT morning, I went to see my first patient of the day and saw her lying in the ICU bed. Her head was wrapped in post-surgical bandages, she was attached to a plethora of monitors, and she was eating an entire pint of Blue Bell Rocky Road! Honestly, it happened! It's sort of funny now, but I was so stunned at the time that I almost dropped my clipboard. SHE wanted to change, but didn't even stay on the wagon 24 hours. My look, inherited from my Mother, apparently said it all. She lowered her spoon and started explaining. I smiled, conversed politely, then walked away.

My composed emotions transitioned from aggravation, to disappointment, to humor, then purely heartache. She helped me realize just how internally disconnected we are. More often than we acknowledge, there is a severance in the link between our head and our heart. We KNOW what is best, but that’s not what we actually want. Relationships are such a prime example of this catch-22. Why do we ladies fall (heart) for the "bad boys" KNOWING (head) that we will get hurt? Why do guys love (heart) dysfunctional girls that past has proven will burn you (head)?

It’s often hard to find that balance when the head and the heart don’t line up. John Mayer talks about the internal struggle in “Half of my Heart” and Paul describes it in Romans 7:15, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” I honestly believe this internal struggle adds spice to life, opportunities to learn, and challenges to overcome. The components are separate entities, but connected make us who we are. That’s the reason for Matthew 22:37, “Jesus replied: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'” We can’t pursue God half-way. We have to LOVE the Lord, YEARN for the Lord, and KNOW the Lord. Though we struggle, doubt, question, and search, God molds us as we grow. But after the internal struggle plays out, actions dictate the result. We either eat the ice cream or we don’t.